Every time I need confirmation for this trip, I get it. It comes in different ways, but it's there. That's why I can't give up.
Arrangements are progressing on India time. To me, they seem like they are perpetually on hold. I want to nail down the dates and the budget, tell my boys I'm coming on this day, get my butt on that plane and get there. As in most cases with international travel, that is not going to be the case.
The last I heard from BTC was that they can only make arrangements for me to come alone. I'm fine with that and so is Terri. Seriously, this is going to be a logistical nightmare for me to even get myself there. I sent an e-mail back asking about dates, proposing a trip from early June to early August. I sent this e-mail almost a month ago. I have not heard back yet. Actually, I haven't even been hearing from the guys at Ashagram as much either. All things related to India seem to be hitting a universal snag.
I started asking God if I was actually supposed to go. I'm kind of way too far in this to drop it now. All those bracelets (over 100 now! Dear Jesus, I must be nuts) have been earning me money. That I have started using. I wanted a little baby computer to take with me so I wouldn't have to use journals to write my book. I budgeted $300 for one. Target had a sale on the nicest one I've found, and I looked at multiple places: $197 from $300. I used the money, bought it, and praised God for the awesome provision. But this was a big moment. Up until this point, I had been using my own money for everything. This was the first time that I used the funds I have raised.
I feel a great responsibility here. People are me their hard-earned cash so I can make this happen. On all my previous trips, I never saw the money. I never needed to launch a fundraiser of this magnitude and whatever I did raise came back to me on a sheet of paper telling me what I had raised. I never held cash. Now I have money I have worked for sitting in my savings account. I look at how it's growing and feel like it's not mine, but I'm only using it as necessary, kind of like borrowing it. Is this how missionaries feel?
I prayed in church last Sunday, frustrated that I haven't heard back yet, asking God if I was *really* supposed to do this. I asked for a 'trail marker' so I can know that I'm still going the right way. As soon as I finished, the guy that runs our missions department got up in front of our church to give us the "monthly missions update". I had forgotten that this was the Sunday where he did this every month. He went through our trips for the next year: Bolivia, France, the Dominican Republic, and a few others. At the end, he mentioned that my parents are planning a trip to the Philippines in February. Then, he looked right at me and said, "and Erin is no exception here either! She went to India last summer and now she's going back. She wants to go for an extended trip this summer. She wants to go for 3 months." (3? ! Sure, I'll take that) I felt my church family looking my direction and nodding their approval. We then took the offering. For all I know, I've got money in an "India Missions" account that I technically haven't started yet on the church books. Renee Lily walked up to me after the service and said, "There's no turning back now! Everybody knows. You have to go."
I'm in this now. I still have to wait for everything to fall into place, but I'm in this now. May I continue to have the bravery and the faith to keep going.
Arrangements are progressing on India time. To me, they seem like they are perpetually on hold. I want to nail down the dates and the budget, tell my boys I'm coming on this day, get my butt on that plane and get there. As in most cases with international travel, that is not going to be the case.
The last I heard from BTC was that they can only make arrangements for me to come alone. I'm fine with that and so is Terri. Seriously, this is going to be a logistical nightmare for me to even get myself there. I sent an e-mail back asking about dates, proposing a trip from early June to early August. I sent this e-mail almost a month ago. I have not heard back yet. Actually, I haven't even been hearing from the guys at Ashagram as much either. All things related to India seem to be hitting a universal snag.
I started asking God if I was actually supposed to go. I'm kind of way too far in this to drop it now. All those bracelets (over 100 now! Dear Jesus, I must be nuts) have been earning me money. That I have started using. I wanted a little baby computer to take with me so I wouldn't have to use journals to write my book. I budgeted $300 for one. Target had a sale on the nicest one I've found, and I looked at multiple places: $197 from $300. I used the money, bought it, and praised God for the awesome provision. But this was a big moment. Up until this point, I had been using my own money for everything. This was the first time that I used the funds I have raised.
I feel a great responsibility here. People are me their hard-earned cash so I can make this happen. On all my previous trips, I never saw the money. I never needed to launch a fundraiser of this magnitude and whatever I did raise came back to me on a sheet of paper telling me what I had raised. I never held cash. Now I have money I have worked for sitting in my savings account. I look at how it's growing and feel like it's not mine, but I'm only using it as necessary, kind of like borrowing it. Is this how missionaries feel?
I prayed in church last Sunday, frustrated that I haven't heard back yet, asking God if I was *really* supposed to do this. I asked for a 'trail marker' so I can know that I'm still going the right way. As soon as I finished, the guy that runs our missions department got up in front of our church to give us the "monthly missions update". I had forgotten that this was the Sunday where he did this every month. He went through our trips for the next year: Bolivia, France, the Dominican Republic, and a few others. At the end, he mentioned that my parents are planning a trip to the Philippines in February. Then, he looked right at me and said, "and Erin is no exception here either! She went to India last summer and now she's going back. She wants to go for an extended trip this summer. She wants to go for 3 months." (3? ! Sure, I'll take that) I felt my church family looking my direction and nodding their approval. We then took the offering. For all I know, I've got money in an "India Missions" account that I technically haven't started yet on the church books. Renee Lily walked up to me after the service and said, "There's no turning back now! Everybody knows. You have to go."
I'm in this now. I still have to wait for everything to fall into place, but I'm in this now. May I continue to have the bravery and the faith to keep going.
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