I eventually came to the realization that spending any time in Fredericksburg was a bust. I realized that I was asking a lot of people I didn't know to find a place for me to stay for free when they were already housing a dozen people from India. I was really very upset about that. I missed my kids! They were in my country and I wouldn't be able to see them! I went to bed Wednesday night, July 25, feeling defeated and upset.
But then an idea occurred to me: They were going to Rockbridge Young Life camp, which is 45 minutes from my house. I thought it was a ridiculous long shot, but I figured I could call the camp the next day and see if they would let me come visit on Friday.
I called Rockbridge on Thursday morning during my first break, asking if I could come visit the next day. Miraculously, they said yes, just as long as I coordinated with Michael about coming. He would be 'hosting' me, meaning that I would have to stay with him or other camp leadership for the day. I spent the day waiting for Michael to call. I didn't hear from him. I called the office back right before they closed, asking if I could come anyway because they were expecting me (well, kinda . . . Michael had some clue that I would try and pull this one, and I didn't mention that he had never *actually* met me). They told me that I could come anyway, and I said that I would be there for breakfast at 9.
I packed a bag with a change of clothes (I just knew I was going to get dirty) bathing suit, toothbrush and toothpaste (because hey, you never know) and left for camp. When I got there, I heard a train whistle. I figured that this was the 'breakfast bell', so after checking into the office, I made my way over to the dining hall. I rounded the corner and saw a beautiful sight: Balaji and Sunil.
It was pretty obvious that they had not been warned. They both just stopped and stared at me like they didn't know what to do. I waved and said, "Hey guys!" We walked toward each other, closing the distance. Balaji reached out to shake my hand. I skipped it and hugged him. He said it was so good to see me, and that he was very surprised. Sunil hadn't said anything. He was still staring at me. He was actually making me a little nervous. When I walked over to him, he gave me a hug and said he was happy to see me too.
I turned to walk back up the hill to the dining hall, a little surprised at the lack of familiarity I was getting from these guys. When I caught up to Balaji, I checked him sideways with my hip. That finally broke the ice. He elbowed me and started squawking that I had hit him. We got into a hip-checking contest and suddenly we were laughing again, just like the way it was in India. I glanced over to my right and saw Sunil in his usual spot: right next to me, grinning at my craziness.
Sunil introduced me to the girls, who I hadn't met yet. They initially acted shy around me, but I was hoping that I could eventually break the ice. I turned and saw Kunal, Sanjay, Kartik and Inder heading up the hill. I ran over to them and gave them all hugs. These guys were a little more animated, probably because I was already acting like a nut when I saw them. At breakfast, I introduced myself to Michael and Jyoti. They were happy to finally meet me. I had only gotten a few sentences out to them when the 'programming' kicked in with a vengance.
We were all interrupted by somebody dressed up like an old fogie, waving his cane around and dancing past my table to 'Gettin' Jiggy With It" or some facsimile thereof. There was another guy dressed in the same getup, dancing on the other side of the room. They made their way up to the stage and introduced themselves as Winston and Wilbur Weatherby, no relation. "Oh wait,' I said, "HA! I'm at Young Life camp. Let the insanity ensue."
That it did. Right after breakfast, we went to a morning session that culminated in the introduction of the "Klaus Oon Deeter games" (say it out loud, it makes sense), where these same two guys were onstage, this time in lederhosen, blonde wigs, and Schwarzenegger accents as Klaus and Deeter. They introduced a crazy game relay we would do for points. These were not ordinary games. These had stuff like leapfrogging and blind bike riding and an inner tube roll, where a team member had to brace herself in the hole of two tied-together inner tube while the team rolled her across the soccer field. I had just met these good Indian girls and suddenly I'm running around, yelling in a ridiculous German accent, getting them to do all these crazy events. It went well until the girl didn't brace herself well enough in the inner tubes and face planted on the gap between the tubes. Her head actually got stuck in the gap. She could have probably eaten the grass on the field if she tried. She cracked up, so it was all good.
At the very end of the games, they told the leaders to stand in the soccer goal. I turned around and noticed that there was caution tape spread from one goal to the other. I knew I was in for it. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but I knew I was about to get dirty. I went and stood in the goal and immediately noticed that Michael and Jyoti were on the sidelines, not really sure what was coming. It was just as well, I could take one for the team. The horn was sounded and I started running the gauntlet.
It was fine for a about 3 seconds. I was pelted with water balloons from my boys. But then suddenly there was a thick white cloud. I felt like I was covered in glue and I was coughing. Then I realized their dastardly plot: flour bombs. I could see flour caking up on my arms. It was stuck in my eyelashes. I just knew that my ponytail looked like a biscuit. I made it to the end, uncertain if I had lost my contacts or if the flour had rendered me temporarily blind.
I staggered over to where my Indian kids were gathered. Predictably, Sunil was once again doubled over, squeal-laughing at me. Balaji snapped pictures with his camera. Michael busted out his IPhone, started filming, and asked me, "How do you like Young Life camp?" I responded, "I love Young Life!" He said, "Are you going to look like this when you come to India?" I was like, "Yes, but I will probably be less white. If you'll excuse me, I have to get this junk out of my eyelashes because I can't see."
I later told Michael and Jyoti that the whole point of Young Life camp is systematic humiliation. Everybody is doing ridiculous things they would never do anywhere else, and everybody is having a great time doing it. Just embrace it and don't be afraid . . . when you go for it, that's when things get good!
Thus began the most awesome time I have ever had at camp. Right after the Michael Jackson lunch, complete with flash mob to Thriller (that I was able to ad-lib because I actually know the dance), Sunil took me down the 1,000 ft zipline with a lake landing and then sent me into the stratosphere off the blob. At this point, I knew there was no way I could leave that day. I went to the store and bought another t-shirt and some shampoo and conditioner. I was set.
The evening program was a hoe-down. I had to explain why everyone was singing "International Harvester" and why somebody would write a song about a tractor. Two of our guys ran a relay where they pulled one of our girls, sitting on the spade of a shovel, around a cone and back. I watched Sunil spin around with his forehead on a bat 15 times. When he tried to run back to our team, he ended up careening off into the sidelines, mowing people down as he went. Kartik totally rocked on the bucking bronco competition and won it.
At dinner, we were served chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and corn. The girls and I sat down at our table. They began picking at the chicken, but they complained that it didn't taste like anything. I glanced over at the table next to ours and noticed a bottle of Tabasco. I got up and announced to those guys, "Hey, my Indian girls are complaining that their chicken tastes like nothing. There is no spice. Can we borrow your Tobasco?" They all cracked up. You would have thought this was the funniest thing they had heard all day. Some of them followed me back to my table and watched the girls slather this stuff all over their chicken. The girls kept sampling their chicken and pouring more and more on. Finally, when their chicken was swimming, they declared it hot enough.
At club that night, we sang "Call Me Maybe" and I taught them the motions that my crazy youth group girls do. Then they started playing "Baby". It was here that I discovered that ALL my Indian kids, guys and girls, know Justin Bieber. Why, I don't know. I sufficiently berated them.
At the end of the night, there was a massive Country Fair where the kids played games for tickets. What my Indian kids didn't initially catch was that these tickets could be redeemed to 1) pie your leader, 2) slingshot your leader with a water balloon, 3) dunk your leader or 4) shower your leader. I just stood off to the side with Michael, praying that they wouldn't catch on. We had never been so glad that English isn't their first language. Kartik and Balaji eventually caught on, but by that point it was (thankfully) too late.
The program leaders, now dressed up as hillbillies, were asking the kids to get into groups of 4 guys and 4 girls. My kids jumped right in. The girls and guys separated and ended up in different groups. The program leaders started a square dance. My Indian kids linked arms and danced around with the other campers. After teaching them a simple square dance, they joined groups together for the Virginia Reel. This was hilarious. The first guy to run the reel was a leader from Green County with some of his guys in the line. His guys smacked his butt as he went past. Then Kunal was up. Sure enough, they all smacked his butt as he went past. I about died. Sunil ran next, and they did it to him too. Before long, they were all doing it to each other. Yay, culture clash.
The next day at the leader's meeting, they said that it was going to be 50's night, complete with a sock hop. There was no way I was going to leave before then. Michael and Jyoti said I could stay for another night if I wanted to, I just had to clear it with the leadership. When I went by the office, they told me that they would normally charge me the full amount to spend that much time at camp ($570! Eeek!) but since this was a special circumstance they would charge me the 'adult guest' rate of $55 a night. So worth it, thank you Jesus. When I called out of work, they were like, "You're where?" I basically told them that I just wasn't leaving. There are very few things in this world that I will drop everything for. These Indian kids are one.
This day was amazing. It started with a "water regatta", where those same goofy guys were suddenly 'mer-men" with flipper tails. People competed in crazy pool games, made synchronized swimming routines, blobbed for height and style and threw watermelons off the zipline at a target. It ended with everyone in the pool, starting a 'human whirlpool'. They told all 400 kids to walk in the same direction. I was thinking, "is this seriously going to work?" Sure enough, it did. There was a really strong current. Then they asked us to run. Everybody was flying around this pool. Then they asked us to turn around. Cue train wreck. We were now fighting this huge current to go the other direction. I pity salmon that have to swim upstream. I tripped over and smashed into a dozen people trying to get my footing. I had never seen anything like this, and it totally rocked.
That evening at dinner, we all dressed up in 50's clothes (that I didn't have, but tied a scarf in my hair and made due anyway). At the end, they cranked "The Twist". I knew this was coming from the leader's meeting. I jumped up and danced in the middle of the room, next to the guy's table. 3 milliseconds later, Inder was up dancing like a maniac next to me. Michael looked surprised. Apparently, Inder doesn't do stuff like this normally. He busted out his IPhone to film this for posterity. The other guys jumped up and before long, I was surrounded by Indian guys, dancing in the middle of the circle. They were like, "We did not know you could dance like this!" The guys started tossing in Bollywood moves with The Twist. I looked up and noticed that the other groups near us weren't dancing, but instead were standing on their chairs, cheering us on. I felt like I was in a musical.
This was the most fun I have ever had at camp. Ever.
Later that night, the dancing continued at karaoke. The other groups did every major karaoke hit that has ever been done while Inder and I did goofy motions and Sunil was teaching American kids some dance moves. Sunil is seriously the best dancer I have ever seen. They gave us all freezy pops at the end of the night, many of which ended up being thrown at me by my lovely boys. It's so wonderful to belong.
The next day, the camp presented us with breakfast in bed. They delivered a tub of cereal and fruit to our cabin and we sat on the floor and ate it. This day had very little programming to it, which we were thankful for. I spent a lot of time just hanging out with different kids. At lunch, they served tacos. The girls complained that the chapatti tasted bad. I had to explain the difference between tortillas and chapatti, and that you eat them very differently.
Right after dinner, I got all my stuff together and said goodbye. Kartik once again threatened to break my legs so I would stay. Inder hung off of my backpack. Eventually, Kartik, Inder and Sanjay walked me out to my car. Sanjay grabbed onto the front of my car and tried to make it so I couldn't leave. Eventually, we said our goodbyes and I was on my way back to my house, only to leave for my church's week-long camp with my students from Church On the Hill the next morning.
God knew what he was doing. The entire year I had spent dreaming about what it would be like to see them again paled in comparison to what actually happened. I couldn't have asked for a more amazing time with all of them.
This was truly amazing, and I was so grateful.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
God, Help Me
This is not an easy process
I made plans for June. Then I heard that the guys were coming to the US in June and would be returning in August. I said I could wait until August if I didn't jump out of my skin first.
So I made plans for August and decided to wait. This all happened at the end of February, so I figured I'd hear that they had bought their tickets sometime in April or May.
But then . . . there was the Indian Government. These guys could not get their visas and passports to save their lives. April went by. Nothing. May went by. Nothing. I heard from Inder and Sunil that they were still coming and they were buying their tickets at the beginning of June. Meanwhile, the price of tickets is still going up, people at church are telling me that I'm being irresponsible and I'm trying not to flip out every day for two solid months. Mid-June, I sent an innocuous e-mail asking for a progress report. I didn't get a response. June goes by. Nothing. On the second of July I finally hear something from India, but this is not what I was expecting.
It's a Facebook post,
Informing me that BTC's music trip is happening July through October.
I about cried. Seriously.
I had been on pins and needles for 3 months, trying not to panic while waiting to hear from them. I was not allowing myself to be 'that annoying girl;' that e-mails every other day trying to figure out what the heck is going on. The last e-mail I had said that they had an appointment to get passports, but that was the middle of April. I thought I had missed the e-mail. I thought they had forgotten me. That day, I broke down and e-mailed them again, saying that I didn't want to be a bother, but whattheheckisgoingon!?
Michael was really nice. He wrote me back right away and said that they were trying to buy their tickets that week. That week went by. Nothing. A second week went by. Nothing. I'm trying not to kick puppies and have sworn off speaking at work because I don't want to accidentally yell at all my co-workers. I woke up on Friday the 13th of July in a panic over this again, but this time I was so tired of panicking about it. I said "God, I don't care if you make me wait until next flipping year to take this trip. You told me to go on it, so YOU get my butt over there whenever YOU see fit.!"
That day, I heard back. The tickets had been purchased. FOR THE NEXT WEEK.
All that waiting, sitting on pins and needles and waking up in a panic has led to them coming . . . thissecond. I didn't even have enough time to ask off from work! They are flying in on the 23rd. I am lucky that there is a gap in my schedule right after my camp finishes on the 3rd of August to go see them.
I then asked Michael for the info on their return flight so I could get a ticket on their flight back to India. He responded with: "Are you coming to India in October? If so, I need to inform our leaders. We have a lot of guests in October and November and I'd have to see the availability for that time. Please let me know your plans and I'll see what we have."
My trip may be pushed back to January. I'll just have to wait and see.
In other news, Kenny has been offering to let me come visit them when they visit his church since last January. I wrote him and told him that I would take him up on his very generous offer, and that I would probably be doing it the 3rd through the 5th or so. Then my work was really nice and told me that I could have a few extra days. I was excited! Finally, something was working out without an act of Congress! Then Kenny writes back and tells me that he's still trying to work out the sleeping arrangements. I tell them I don't need a bed or anything. Then I remember: They're hosting Sunil.
DUH.
Of course I can't stay at their house. I had temporarily forgotten every single youth ministry rule that has ever been enforced about "purpling". (girls are pink, guys are blue, no purple). Nice move, youth worker. I have enforced this rule for a decade and then I forget it exists entirely. To make it worse, they have a teenage son and daughter in their house, further complicating things. Kenny is being really nice about it. He's trying to find somewhere else for me to stay.
Meanwhile . . . I could scream. I'm trying to not panic and be patient, but also make my own plans without inconveniencing everyone. Yet it seems as though it all involves a level of panic and inconveniencing wonderfully generous people that I don't even know. I hate that. I really do. I feel like I should apologize to everyone and then timidly creep in my room and stay for a week.
God, Help me. This is rough on me. I'm not usually a huge planner, but I care so much about these kids, this ministry and this country that I just wanted things to work out. You have other plans for me, it would seem. Please let me learn what I need to learn from this so I can either implement it in the future or avoid this entirely.
Something tells me though . . . this is probably what my life will look like a lot of the time if I end up in India. I'd better just get used to it and find a way not to panic, because this is going to be a long haul if I don't.
I made plans for June. Then I heard that the guys were coming to the US in June and would be returning in August. I said I could wait until August if I didn't jump out of my skin first.
So I made plans for August and decided to wait. This all happened at the end of February, so I figured I'd hear that they had bought their tickets sometime in April or May.
But then . . . there was the Indian Government. These guys could not get their visas and passports to save their lives. April went by. Nothing. May went by. Nothing. I heard from Inder and Sunil that they were still coming and they were buying their tickets at the beginning of June. Meanwhile, the price of tickets is still going up, people at church are telling me that I'm being irresponsible and I'm trying not to flip out every day for two solid months. Mid-June, I sent an innocuous e-mail asking for a progress report. I didn't get a response. June goes by. Nothing. On the second of July I finally hear something from India, but this is not what I was expecting.
It's a Facebook post,
Informing me that BTC's music trip is happening July through October.
I about cried. Seriously.
I had been on pins and needles for 3 months, trying not to panic while waiting to hear from them. I was not allowing myself to be 'that annoying girl;' that e-mails every other day trying to figure out what the heck is going on. The last e-mail I had said that they had an appointment to get passports, but that was the middle of April. I thought I had missed the e-mail. I thought they had forgotten me. That day, I broke down and e-mailed them again, saying that I didn't want to be a bother, but whattheheckisgoingon!?
Michael was really nice. He wrote me back right away and said that they were trying to buy their tickets that week. That week went by. Nothing. A second week went by. Nothing. I'm trying not to kick puppies and have sworn off speaking at work because I don't want to accidentally yell at all my co-workers. I woke up on Friday the 13th of July in a panic over this again, but this time I was so tired of panicking about it. I said "God, I don't care if you make me wait until next flipping year to take this trip. You told me to go on it, so YOU get my butt over there whenever YOU see fit.!"
That day, I heard back. The tickets had been purchased. FOR THE NEXT WEEK.
All that waiting, sitting on pins and needles and waking up in a panic has led to them coming . . . thissecond. I didn't even have enough time to ask off from work! They are flying in on the 23rd. I am lucky that there is a gap in my schedule right after my camp finishes on the 3rd of August to go see them.
I then asked Michael for the info on their return flight so I could get a ticket on their flight back to India. He responded with: "Are you coming to India in October? If so, I need to inform our leaders. We have a lot of guests in October and November and I'd have to see the availability for that time. Please let me know your plans and I'll see what we have."
My trip may be pushed back to January. I'll just have to wait and see.
In other news, Kenny has been offering to let me come visit them when they visit his church since last January. I wrote him and told him that I would take him up on his very generous offer, and that I would probably be doing it the 3rd through the 5th or so. Then my work was really nice and told me that I could have a few extra days. I was excited! Finally, something was working out without an act of Congress! Then Kenny writes back and tells me that he's still trying to work out the sleeping arrangements. I tell them I don't need a bed or anything. Then I remember: They're hosting Sunil.
DUH.
Of course I can't stay at their house. I had temporarily forgotten every single youth ministry rule that has ever been enforced about "purpling". (girls are pink, guys are blue, no purple). Nice move, youth worker. I have enforced this rule for a decade and then I forget it exists entirely. To make it worse, they have a teenage son and daughter in their house, further complicating things. Kenny is being really nice about it. He's trying to find somewhere else for me to stay.
Meanwhile . . . I could scream. I'm trying to not panic and be patient, but also make my own plans without inconveniencing everyone. Yet it seems as though it all involves a level of panic and inconveniencing wonderfully generous people that I don't even know. I hate that. I really do. I feel like I should apologize to everyone and then timidly creep in my room and stay for a week.
God, Help me. This is rough on me. I'm not usually a huge planner, but I care so much about these kids, this ministry and this country that I just wanted things to work out. You have other plans for me, it would seem. Please let me learn what I need to learn from this so I can either implement it in the future or avoid this entirely.
Something tells me though . . . this is probably what my life will look like a lot of the time if I end up in India. I'd better just get used to it and find a way not to panic, because this is going to be a long haul if I don't.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Deciding to Jump
I'm not going to deny this: I have a problem.
It's a $27,000 problem.
This is the amount of money I still owe on my student loans. The loans I took out so I could get the degree I would need to do the ministry I was designed to do. The loans that are the major thing standing directly in front of me going to India to do said ministry.
Yeah, those loans.
Over the past few months, it has been fairly easy for me to concentrate on just getting myself to India this time. It's a sizable undertaking (as evidenced by the 200 bracelets and counting) but it has seemed quite achievable. These loans are not. Thank you Jesus, I can make the dang payments. But that is it. And when I say that, please understand: my current bare-bones budget, even without this mission trip, would leave me with around 30 extra dollars every month. It has been this way, ironically (or maybe not so ironically), since around the time I decided to go to India last year.
It has been easy to just say, "Yay, I'm going to India for 2 months!" But then what?
I can not sustain the expenses for these trips. Eventually, everybody I know is going to own a bracelet. And like it or not, I'm finding that having my heart on a different continent has a huge personal cost. People close to me can notice it. I'm not always completely 'present' in what's going on in front of me because my mind is somewhere else entirely. And to make matters even more interesting, the dream keeps expanding beyond just helping these kids right now to having an entire life in this. I keep seriously asking and God if this is really what I'm supposed to do and He keeps giving me more to go on. Pretty soon, the decisions I start making will not just affect me, my life, and my family anymore.
Let me tell you, this is scary. How in the world do I do this? How do I have a huge calling that keeps intertwining itself into more areas of my life, with a student loan that would make it so I couldn't enter the mission field for several years?
How has our family moved all over this dang country multiple times and still had what it needed, both to go there and when we got there? How did we go for months without income without starving or ending up homeless? How did I have a house to live in and a car every time I needed it in Oregon? Or, better yet, how do I have a house to live in and a car right now? How did I get to India the last time?
God did it. This is the only answer I have. And if God has called me to India, then that's what He'll do again. It's crazy, I know. But it really comes down to a song I sang when I was 10 at summer camp. I had forgotten this little song, until recently. But now I remember singing it at 10 years old and feeling the call of God on my life:
Here I am, Lord
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
if you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart.
If God says go, then I'm going. I will make this jump.
It's a $27,000 problem.
This is the amount of money I still owe on my student loans. The loans I took out so I could get the degree I would need to do the ministry I was designed to do. The loans that are the major thing standing directly in front of me going to India to do said ministry.
Yeah, those loans.
Over the past few months, it has been fairly easy for me to concentrate on just getting myself to India this time. It's a sizable undertaking (as evidenced by the 200 bracelets and counting) but it has seemed quite achievable. These loans are not. Thank you Jesus, I can make the dang payments. But that is it. And when I say that, please understand: my current bare-bones budget, even without this mission trip, would leave me with around 30 extra dollars every month. It has been this way, ironically (or maybe not so ironically), since around the time I decided to go to India last year.
It has been easy to just say, "Yay, I'm going to India for 2 months!" But then what?
I can not sustain the expenses for these trips. Eventually, everybody I know is going to own a bracelet. And like it or not, I'm finding that having my heart on a different continent has a huge personal cost. People close to me can notice it. I'm not always completely 'present' in what's going on in front of me because my mind is somewhere else entirely. And to make matters even more interesting, the dream keeps expanding beyond just helping these kids right now to having an entire life in this. I keep seriously asking and God if this is really what I'm supposed to do and He keeps giving me more to go on. Pretty soon, the decisions I start making will not just affect me, my life, and my family anymore.
Let me tell you, this is scary. How in the world do I do this? How do I have a huge calling that keeps intertwining itself into more areas of my life, with a student loan that would make it so I couldn't enter the mission field for several years?
How has our family moved all over this dang country multiple times and still had what it needed, both to go there and when we got there? How did we go for months without income without starving or ending up homeless? How did I have a house to live in and a car every time I needed it in Oregon? Or, better yet, how do I have a house to live in and a car right now? How did I get to India the last time?
God did it. This is the only answer I have. And if God has called me to India, then that's what He'll do again. It's crazy, I know. But it really comes down to a song I sang when I was 10 at summer camp. I had forgotten this little song, until recently. But now I remember singing it at 10 years old and feeling the call of God on my life:
Here I am, Lord
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
if you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart.
If God says go, then I'm going. I will make this jump.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
My Steps Are Guided
Another month, more changes.
Last month, I started talking to a guy named Kenny who went to India over New Year's. I had already heard that the guys had been coming to the US at this point, but I didn't know where. As it turns out, they are coming to his church. He invited me to come out and see them while they were there. In fact, he and his family have 'adopted' Sunil and they have been making plans for him to stay at their house. Talk about stumbling into that one. He also gave me the contact info for the guy who is arranging their entire trip, Michael. I sent him a message on FB asking if the guys could come to my church, but I didn't hear back from him by the time I posted my last blog.
A few weeks later, he got back to me. He told me that e-mails were a better way to reach him. He was excited about the idea of having the kids come to my church. And then he gave me a heart attack:
"If you come in June, some of the boys will not be there because of the music trip. You can maybe come back with us, but it won't be till August."
Here I am, working out the budget plans and deadlines for my bracelets, my parents had just left that morning for the Philippines and I had just given out the last of my support letters a few days before. I was watching every single plan I had just made fly out the window. It sounded as though they weren't too happy with the idea of me coming in August since the guys would be in school again, so I might have to go in May. As in, less than 2 months from that current date. I shot off an e-mail asking if I should come in May or August, fully knowing that they wouldn't get back to me for 3 weeks. If they wanted me to come in May, I knew this was going to look like a train wreck unless I acted right then. This would mean that I would have to get my passport in the mail to have it renewed approximately . . . last week, I should buy my plane ticket . . . sometime last month and I needed to send out my support letters . . . 2 months ago. The problems kept compounding when I realized that I didn't have the funds for a plane ticket and I would need to buy my ticket the second they came in . . . but the guys in India might not have bought their plane tickets by that point, so I essentially would be guessing on my return date. And how in the WORLD was I going to make 60 bracelets and 20 necklaces in the next month and a half? Oh, bad.
As it turned out, the panic was unnecessary. Michael went around and talked to both Sharmila and Deveraj and said that it would probably be better for me to come in August so the guys would have enough free time to tell their stories for my book. Coming in May would mean that they would be busy preparing for the trip and might not have the time. Crisis averted. I told him that I could wait until August if I didn't jump out of my skin first. This does mean that I will be in country when my friend Heather goes to France on a mission trip, I can see the Olympics, and I can go to camp with my kids. And I'll be in India over my birthday. Sounds OK to me.
Last weekend, I went with my students to Great Wolf Lodge for our denomination's regional youth retreat. They do this every year, and every year I have been torn over banging on Heaven's door for my kids or for myself. Going to camp and the retreat always reminded me that I wasn't doing what I had been preparing for in my life. I would get so frustrated! I felt like I couldn't possibly minister to kids when my life felt like it was going nowhere and falling apart at the same time.
I noticed something completely different this time around. I wasn't feeling like I was thrashing around, begging God for some guidance other than 'You are in a desert season of life'. Because I wasn't so self focused, I could actually pray for my kids when they needed it. And the surprising thing was, they did need it. I wondered what in the world I had been missing all those times when I wanted to go up and talk to a leader about my life rather than be the leader the kids could come to talk about theirs. Thank you, God . . . India may not be the endpoint in my life, but Good Lord, it's something.
I did start to notice a new kind of problem: I've gone so long without a passion or calling in my life that I don't really know what the heck to do with myself now that I do. I don't know what's normal. I have been so committed to this trip and this project that I think about it all the time. I began to realize that it's really hard to want things and to have dreams because there is a very real risk that they won't happen. If I were unable to go to India for some reason, it would be a very bad thing. I would probably need therapy to not be horribly angry with God. Is it ever OK to care about something that much? This is an important question that I am continuing to weigh out.
I did ask for some prayer after explaining the whole thing. While Lesli, the regional director was praying for me, she gave me a word: "God has ordered your steps for this trip, and he will continue to do so." The only response I can have is to faithfully continue on.
Last month, I started talking to a guy named Kenny who went to India over New Year's. I had already heard that the guys had been coming to the US at this point, but I didn't know where. As it turns out, they are coming to his church. He invited me to come out and see them while they were there. In fact, he and his family have 'adopted' Sunil and they have been making plans for him to stay at their house. Talk about stumbling into that one. He also gave me the contact info for the guy who is arranging their entire trip, Michael. I sent him a message on FB asking if the guys could come to my church, but I didn't hear back from him by the time I posted my last blog.
A few weeks later, he got back to me. He told me that e-mails were a better way to reach him. He was excited about the idea of having the kids come to my church. And then he gave me a heart attack:
"If you come in June, some of the boys will not be there because of the music trip. You can maybe come back with us, but it won't be till August."
Here I am, working out the budget plans and deadlines for my bracelets, my parents had just left that morning for the Philippines and I had just given out the last of my support letters a few days before. I was watching every single plan I had just made fly out the window. It sounded as though they weren't too happy with the idea of me coming in August since the guys would be in school again, so I might have to go in May. As in, less than 2 months from that current date. I shot off an e-mail asking if I should come in May or August, fully knowing that they wouldn't get back to me for 3 weeks. If they wanted me to come in May, I knew this was going to look like a train wreck unless I acted right then. This would mean that I would have to get my passport in the mail to have it renewed approximately . . . last week, I should buy my plane ticket . . . sometime last month and I needed to send out my support letters . . . 2 months ago. The problems kept compounding when I realized that I didn't have the funds for a plane ticket and I would need to buy my ticket the second they came in . . . but the guys in India might not have bought their plane tickets by that point, so I essentially would be guessing on my return date. And how in the WORLD was I going to make 60 bracelets and 20 necklaces in the next month and a half? Oh, bad.
As it turned out, the panic was unnecessary. Michael went around and talked to both Sharmila and Deveraj and said that it would probably be better for me to come in August so the guys would have enough free time to tell their stories for my book. Coming in May would mean that they would be busy preparing for the trip and might not have the time. Crisis averted. I told him that I could wait until August if I didn't jump out of my skin first. This does mean that I will be in country when my friend Heather goes to France on a mission trip, I can see the Olympics, and I can go to camp with my kids. And I'll be in India over my birthday. Sounds OK to me.
Last weekend, I went with my students to Great Wolf Lodge for our denomination's regional youth retreat. They do this every year, and every year I have been torn over banging on Heaven's door for my kids or for myself. Going to camp and the retreat always reminded me that I wasn't doing what I had been preparing for in my life. I would get so frustrated! I felt like I couldn't possibly minister to kids when my life felt like it was going nowhere and falling apart at the same time.
I noticed something completely different this time around. I wasn't feeling like I was thrashing around, begging God for some guidance other than 'You are in a desert season of life'. Because I wasn't so self focused, I could actually pray for my kids when they needed it. And the surprising thing was, they did need it. I wondered what in the world I had been missing all those times when I wanted to go up and talk to a leader about my life rather than be the leader the kids could come to talk about theirs. Thank you, God . . . India may not be the endpoint in my life, but Good Lord, it's something.
I did start to notice a new kind of problem: I've gone so long without a passion or calling in my life that I don't really know what the heck to do with myself now that I do. I don't know what's normal. I have been so committed to this trip and this project that I think about it all the time. I began to realize that it's really hard to want things and to have dreams because there is a very real risk that they won't happen. If I were unable to go to India for some reason, it would be a very bad thing. I would probably need therapy to not be horribly angry with God. Is it ever OK to care about something that much? This is an important question that I am continuing to weigh out.
I did ask for some prayer after explaining the whole thing. While Lesli, the regional director was praying for me, she gave me a word: "God has ordered your steps for this trip, and he will continue to do so." The only response I can have is to faithfully continue on.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
More Plot Twists!
My life has now taken on aspects of a movie. Just when you think that there can't be any more interesting developments, that the plot can't twist any more, twist it does.
So . . . the guys on the worship team are coming to the US.
Yes, that does include all the guys I have talked about in here.
Before I leave for India.
I'm currently digging around and seeing if I can get my kids to come to my church. I prayed about this. I prayed that I would have my boys standing next to me in my church. I want them to meet both my biological and my church family and see where I come from. If I'm really lucky, I might be able to jump on the flight they are taking back to India. My parents would be relived that I wouldn't be traveling alone, and that would be the Best. Flight. Ever. It would make that horrible, long, drawn-out, disorienting and all around painful process of physically getting back to India suck a lot less.
In other news, I have somehow become a magnet for ministries in India needing huge amounts of support, but are not supported by ANM. It started with a Facebook friend request from Mission for Tribes and Nations in Nepal. They are running schools, orphanages, water programs, sewing and tailoring facilities, basic health education and outreaches to surrounding tribes: My own church, staff included, might not do stuff like this on this scale, and these guys in Nepal are doing it entirely with volunteers. I talked to my friends at ANM and we are in the process of getting them some much needed support.
Then, I get another friend request from Evangelist Sonu Singh near Delhi. He's running a ministry that feeds and houses orphans, from what I understand. Some of the poorest and smallest children have no parents. This is exactly how Bombay Teen Challenge started: one crazy, compassionate guy seeing injustice and deciding that it had to stop. At any rate, I am now praying for his ministry as well. I have absolutely no idea how these ministries keep finding me. They don't know I have been to India until I tell them. And, of course, they want me to visit their ministries. It's like I just became my own Desk Director for India or something. I could take a ministry tour of India with all these ministries asking me to come visit them. Hello, foreign correspondent.
I heard back from BTC on the budget: It will cost me 1,500 to stay at Ashagram for 2 months. With other expenses factored in, it will probably be 3,500 for the whole two-month trip. This is pretty remarkable, mainly because it cost me 3,000 for two weeks last summer. Amazingly enough, this is the figure that the missions department had given my church family as an estimate. This is a lot less intimidating than I though it would be. I had thought that this could easily run 4,500-5000, maybe more. I'm grateful that it won't. I raised 3,000 last summer, I can do it again.
Sandeep has been telling me for several months that I need to meet his 'mom'. She lives near DC. He stayed with her family when the guys were in the US the last time. Through conversations on Facebook, I found out that she was on a team that would be going to India over New Year's. I sent her a packet of Christmas cards I made up for a few of the guys. They had pictures that were taken of me and each kid as well as the friendship bracelets I made back in September in them. She was gracious enough to take them with her to India and give them out for me. When I looked through the pictures that the members of her team had taken with the kids, I saw my kids wearing the bracelets. It reminded me again . . . I have an affect on these kids. The things I do and share have an impact on their lives. These are not some kids living far away that I just kinda know. These are the kids that have completely stolen my heart. Evidence? Seeing a little band on their arms causes me to run around the house yelling, "THEY'RE WEARING THEM!", much to the confusion of my brother and my dog.
My life is being swallowed up by India. I knew this would happen.. It happened on the morning of Tuesday, July 26th while sitting up in my room at Ashagram. I could sense the change of seasons right then. The monsoons had come after years of a desert season in my life. I didn't know if it would stick. I hoped it would, but I didn't think I could hope for such a thing. Today, I can attest to this: It stuck.
My heart and mind never left India. I should just move the rest of me over there already.
So . . . the guys on the worship team are coming to the US.
Yes, that does include all the guys I have talked about in here.
Before I leave for India.
I'm currently digging around and seeing if I can get my kids to come to my church. I prayed about this. I prayed that I would have my boys standing next to me in my church. I want them to meet both my biological and my church family and see where I come from. If I'm really lucky, I might be able to jump on the flight they are taking back to India. My parents would be relived that I wouldn't be traveling alone, and that would be the Best. Flight. Ever. It would make that horrible, long, drawn-out, disorienting and all around painful process of physically getting back to India suck a lot less.
In other news, I have somehow become a magnet for ministries in India needing huge amounts of support, but are not supported by ANM. It started with a Facebook friend request from Mission for Tribes and Nations in Nepal. They are running schools, orphanages, water programs, sewing and tailoring facilities, basic health education and outreaches to surrounding tribes: My own church, staff included, might not do stuff like this on this scale, and these guys in Nepal are doing it entirely with volunteers. I talked to my friends at ANM and we are in the process of getting them some much needed support.
Then, I get another friend request from Evangelist Sonu Singh near Delhi. He's running a ministry that feeds and houses orphans, from what I understand. Some of the poorest and smallest children have no parents. This is exactly how Bombay Teen Challenge started: one crazy, compassionate guy seeing injustice and deciding that it had to stop. At any rate, I am now praying for his ministry as well. I have absolutely no idea how these ministries keep finding me. They don't know I have been to India until I tell them. And, of course, they want me to visit their ministries. It's like I just became my own Desk Director for India or something. I could take a ministry tour of India with all these ministries asking me to come visit them. Hello, foreign correspondent.
I heard back from BTC on the budget: It will cost me 1,500 to stay at Ashagram for 2 months. With other expenses factored in, it will probably be 3,500 for the whole two-month trip. This is pretty remarkable, mainly because it cost me 3,000 for two weeks last summer. Amazingly enough, this is the figure that the missions department had given my church family as an estimate. This is a lot less intimidating than I though it would be. I had thought that this could easily run 4,500-5000, maybe more. I'm grateful that it won't. I raised 3,000 last summer, I can do it again.
Sandeep has been telling me for several months that I need to meet his 'mom'. She lives near DC. He stayed with her family when the guys were in the US the last time. Through conversations on Facebook, I found out that she was on a team that would be going to India over New Year's. I sent her a packet of Christmas cards I made up for a few of the guys. They had pictures that were taken of me and each kid as well as the friendship bracelets I made back in September in them. She was gracious enough to take them with her to India and give them out for me. When I looked through the pictures that the members of her team had taken with the kids, I saw my kids wearing the bracelets. It reminded me again . . . I have an affect on these kids. The things I do and share have an impact on their lives. These are not some kids living far away that I just kinda know. These are the kids that have completely stolen my heart. Evidence? Seeing a little band on their arms causes me to run around the house yelling, "THEY'RE WEARING THEM!", much to the confusion of my brother and my dog.
My life is being swallowed up by India. I knew this would happen.. It happened on the morning of Tuesday, July 26th while sitting up in my room at Ashagram. I could sense the change of seasons right then. The monsoons had come after years of a desert season in my life. I didn't know if it would stick. I hoped it would, but I didn't think I could hope for such a thing. Today, I can attest to this: It stuck.
My heart and mind never left India. I should just move the rest of me over there already.
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